Sunday, October 24, 2010


Abortion:  A choice?  A right?  Murder?

     Many people have their own opinions of this matter.  Doctors, experts, scientists, and people in general.   Conception has been noted by scientists and planned parenthood to be when the egg and sperm are joined, yet because of other "issues" they rationalize away murder and proclaim it as a choice for a woman.  But whose life is it?  Is it the woman's or the Baby's?  Why is this choice made?  What are the repercussions for these actions for the woman?  I have a unique ability to discuss this because of my personal "choice" of murdering 2 of my own children and then having 2 with another on the way.
     Life is at conception when it starts metabolizing oxygen (this is the definition of a living organism).  Some want to believe it is when the fetus implants into the uterus or possibly when the baby has neural connections and working organs and pain sensors.  When does the mother start thinking she is going to have a baby?  12 weeks?  24 weeks?  No, the mother KNOWS she is going to have a baby as soon as she knows she is pregnant.  It's not a blob of cells to her at any time, it is a part of her and whomever (good or bad).  That baby isn't an arm or a leg or even an organ, the mother knows it is an independent living human being.  It is not her life, but another life.
      So the fetus is another life, independent and unique.  Who has the ability to make life and death choices for this baby no matter what the circumstance it was conceived under?  The mother just because she is carry this precious child?  When did this baby sign away his rights and give power of attorney to his mom to "pull the plug"?  He couldn't and would not.  He or she has the right to life just as any of us do born or unborn.
       So why is abortion a "choice" contemplated by the mom if it is not her life?  I'll tell you my reasons, none of them good ones.  Fear.  I was scared to death of how to raise a child alone while going to college.  The man responsible told me he wanted no part of this child and to abort it.  I didn't trust my family to help me.  I was raised in a horrible, loveless environment and didn't want that for my child in any way.  Everyone said to abort it, but I adamantly refused, at first, knowing it was wrong.  Then one day buying maternity clothes I freaked out, could not do it and that day I lost my faith in everything, everyone - including myself.  A reason for my fear was selfishness.  What was I going to do, how was I going to live? What about college and a wholesome, good family for me?  I wanted to believe it was for the baby, but it was not really.  So I went down to the clinic hoping to rid myself of my 'mistake'.  I did not want to take responsibility for my actions and to care for this innocent child.  I was looking out for myself instead of the life in me.
        They, the people at the clinic, were friendly just like any doctors office.  (It makes me sick to recount this.)  I paid my money and waited for my name to be called.  They called me back, took an ultrasound which they did not really show or explain.  I then waited in another room and they brought me medicine to induce the baby.  Me and a hand full of other GIRLS waited curled up in extreme pain from the contraction-like pains in our stomach.  Delivery and contractions in comparison were nothing.  We writhed for hours before the medicine took full effect for the 'doctor' to literally suction out the baby with hose.  Similar to a vacuum cleaner hose.  I felt the baby ripping apart piece by piece while the 'doctor' wiggled the hose around scrapping up any remaining baby parts.   It was horrible.  I was then brought to a recover room with the others who were throwing up and having continuing stomach pains.  Afterward, they told me precautions - not to have sex because of infection, etc.  The 'nurses' conveniently forgot to mention that you are 4 times more likely to become pregnant in the next 4-6 months.  I wonder why??   I figured who cares about I ran back to what caused this. 
       I was dead inside, I killed the ultimate innocence.  I killed my own child. I didn't even kill someone to protect someone or something more important than myself.   I died emotionally and spiritually.  I couldn't cry or feel any remorse, sympathy, empathy for me or anyone else.  I threw myself into the arms of an old love hoping I could feel something, anything.  It didn't work.  I ended up causing more pain for him and for myself.  I was pregnant again.......
       So I went to the clinic again, what's to stop me now?  No more conscience, remorse, or love.  Afterward, I was sitting next to a girl.  A 'nurse' was telling her the same precautions as she told me before with the same omission.  Again?  This couldn't be coincidence.  So I told her what they didn't tell me.  If you saw the look the nurse gave, well to say the least she was pissed.  How dare dare I what?  Warn the girl or take potential fetus tissue and money away from her and the 'doctor'.  They aren't there to help but to take baby's for research which by the way hasn't helped in any cures or medical advances.
       Much later, when I made peace with myself and with God I had a dream.  I was walking toward the beach through tall reeds.  I heard cheers and shouts as you would at a football game.  I went to go see, but I had to pay first.  I paid the fee and went closer.  I saw people around a cart huddled together screaming and yelling.  I made my way through the crowd and much to my horror I saw someone beating an infant to death with a club much as one would use a sledge hammer to beat an old car.  I rushed to the baby and picked him up, but it was too late.   We kill baby's for a price and the 'doctor's' and 'lawmakers' laugh and cheer all the way to the bank.  It's a business, to make money not to help anyone.  It helps no one.  It kills an innocent child and destroys a woman.
       Woman can have symptoms of post traumatic stress like those at war.  Unexplained depression, physical problems, and change in life attitudes among many other things.  I didn't have a period for 5 years after.  The doctor said I was infertal and I contracted an autoimmune disease.  Beside the physical, I was a wreaking ball of chaos.  I was a curse to whomever I came in contact with.  At first, I said I made the right choice.  The baby was better off, but it was only my selfishness talking.  I thought I was better off.  However, my  life became worse and worse until I was going around with women and ex-cons, doing drugs excessively with no real friends or love of any kind in my life.  I wasn't better off.  I was dead and on my way to suicide by choice or by transmission - aids anyone?  That's the direction my life was going all because I "choose" to 'abort' a sac of cells.  Now, tell it really a choice worth considering?  Is murder a right anyone should have?  I know the answer.  I have lived both.  I am here to say killing of my babies or any baby is not only wrong no mater what; it is destruction at its best.  No war, no genocide can light a candle next to abortion.  

Number of deaths from Nazi's (all groups of people): between 11 million and 17 million people
Number of abortions since 1973: 49,551,703 and going

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